


So This is Love?

by kawalie



Category: Free!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Fluff, M/M, Nitori is a slut its great, Underage Drinking, because im garbage i ship them so hard, eventual Rintori
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-22 03:36:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2492996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawalie/pseuds/kawalie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ai…” Nitori opened his eyes, and they opened wide. This wasn’t … it wasn’t Rin. He had just… oh no.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Ai"

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Love You Right](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2248185) by [Incertitude](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Incertitude/pseuds/Incertitude). 



            Hesitantly, Nitori quietly knocked on his senpai’s room door. He’d brought his laptop, his fluffy comforter, and a movie, well, two movies - just in case. He and Rin had talked earlier and Nitori mentioned not having to study and suggested they watch a movie, like they did when they were still roommates. Rin hadn’t necessarily agreed, but still said he hadn’t had anything planned. Although Nitori felt him coming unannounced at- what, 9:04?- might have been a bit presumptuous, he couldn’t deny to himself any longer that he deeply missed his time with Rin. Sure they still had practice together, but even then, Rin was captain now, and they smiled and waved in the hallway, and once or twice Rin had swatted his back and shot him a toothy grin while they were passing, they hadn’t had the comfortable, silent company of one another for a good while. And though watching a movie wasn’t really quiet, just sitting with Rin, just spending quality time with him, made Nitori’s heartbeat waver.

            He anxiously bounced on his feet, waiting for Rin or Sousuke to let him in so he didn’t have to stand out in the hallway for eternity. The door opened quickly and Nitori flinched and slightly stepped back.

            “Oh- it’s you. What’s up?” Sousuke let go of door and leaned against the frame, crossing his arms. Nitori shifted and tried to peer past Sousuke to see if he could find Rin, but the room was dark besides a light coming from a computer on a desk.

            “I, just uh, is Rin-senpai not here?” Nitori fell flat footed, giving up on trying to look inside their room- Sousuke is just so.. huge. He looked up to find Sousuke looking at all the things he had in his arms.

            “Did you guys have plans? A movie, I assume?” Sousuke raised an eyebrow and nodded his head forward, gesturing to him and grinning. Nitori shifted again, nervously under Sousuke’s gaze- in all honesty he would be less anxious if Rin were there to validate this and back him up, but if Rin had been in the room, he surely would’ve heard Nitori’s voice by now.

            “Ah, um kind of- not really, though. I asked him about it earlier, but I guess I should have texted or called first or something. I mean he said he wasn’t doing anything, but he could’ve easily made plans or whatever, or maybe he wanted to sleep and that’s why your guys’ lights are off and-” Sousuke chuckled and put his hand up to stop Nitori.

            “Nah, Rin ran out a little bit ago saying he was going to Iwatobi for the night. Something about drinking with Nanase.” Sousuke waved his hand ambiguously before crossing it back with his other arm. However, what Sousuke apparently hadn’t been informed of is that “drinking” with Nanase-san pretty much just meant Rin drinking by himself at the house, since it was devoid of parental figures. Even though this wasn’t the first time Rin had done this, Nitori still didn’t know how to feel about an intoxicated Rin being at the other’s house alone. Rin hadn’t mentioned them being _together_ or anything, but that doesn’t mean Nitori’s mind didn’t wander. Shifting what all he had in his arms a third time, Nitori let himself feel a little disappointed and it showed in his tone.

            “O-oh, okay, yeah he does that sometimes. Sorry for interrupting… whatever you were doing Yamazaki-senpai. I’m just going to, uh, go back to my dorm- I’ll see you at practice!” He started moving away from Sousuke and gave a small flick of his wrist, still holding his computer and blanket in his arms, as a wave.

            “You know, you’re welcome to stay if you’d like. ‘S not like I’m not doing anything important.” Sousuke, if anything, looked bored. Nitori wasn’t sure if he should take up the offer, but he figured it was better than going back to his room and dealing with Momo-kun. He stopped inching away, and nodded his head quickly with a small smile. Sousuke straightened up and opened out an arm to invite Nitori into the dark room. He settled for sitting on Rin’s bed- he threw his comforter and carefully put down his laptop while getting situated, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders and back, and leaned against the wall. Sousuke went back to his desk and began typing quickly, not really paying attention to Nitori. He quietly sighed to himself and crossed his legs and opened his laptop to put in one of the movies he’d brought. Thankfully, he had put his earbuds in his pocket, so he untangled them slightly, trying to avoid the permanent knots he’d made, and started to put them in when Sousuke spoke up.

            “You’re going to watch the movie by yourself?” He’d turned around to the side of his desk chair, putting his left arm over the back.

            “I-I didn’t realise, … I thought you were busy..?” Nitori quickly removed the buds from his ears and audio jack and shoved them back into his pocket. Sousuke closed his laptop on his desk, got up, and settled next to Nitori, laying on his side with his left elbow and forearm. Nitori moved his laptop from his legs to the space in front of them and started the movie.

            Throughout the movie, Nitori would give little giggles while for the most part Sousuke stayed quiet, save for a grunt of amusement every now and again. Also, as it progressed, Nitori got lazier and more tired, and started to slouch back, and ended up partially leaning on Sousuke’s shoulder and head- if Sousuke had any protests about it, he didn’t make them which made Nitori a little bit more comfortable with this new friend. After the credits started to roll, he huffed and slid down the wall a little more, now almost at Sousuke’s level. The movie was easily two hours and he was exhausted afterwards. Sousuke glanced at Nitori as he sat up a bit to close his laptop and lean back again. Which, was kind of stupid idea since Nitori forgot that the lights were off, so now the room was pitch black except for the curtains barely leaving a slit for the Moon’s light to leak through. He whispered a small “whoops,” to himself, but before he could move to turn a light on or to open his computer back up, he felt a heat next to his face, turned, and realised how incredibly close Sousuke was. Nitori moved in slowly, experimentally, and it seemed Sousuke did the same because their lips were now lightly pressed against each other. Sousuke lifted his right hand and Nitori felt it come to the back of his neck and into his hair where Sousuke gave a slight push towards himself to add pressure to the kiss. Both of them started to move their mouths against each other and Nitori opened his to barely lick at Sousuke’s upper lip. Sousuke then opened his mouth further to try and do the same and Nitori eagerly opened his in return. Sousuke leaned up more to change their angle and Nitori moved his head to the left and pressed further into Sousuke. Their tongues twirled and pecked and twined, and Sousuke gripped at Nitori’s hair and opened his mouth wide so he could delve deeper into Nitori’s mouth, which made him quietly whimper at the feeling. The whimper, however small it was, spurred something in Sousuke, and he brought himself to his knees, bringing Nitori with him. His free hand slipped to Nitori’s jaw and cheek, then slide down over his collar bone, to his shoulder and down to his waist where Sousuke pulled him closer so their bodies were touching.

Feeling out of breath, Nitori broke the kiss with a gasp and Sousuke began trailing kisses over his cheek, to his neck, and behind his ear. He felt Sousuke paying attention to the area below his ear and suddenly gasped and whimpered again as Sousuke sucked and bit at his skin. He then moved higher to let out a breath in Nitori’s ear and flicking his tongue at the lobe causing Nitori to earnestly moan and visibly shiver. Nitori wasn’t really experienced- he knew he liked boys, but that was obvious with his feelings for Rin. But the only “exploration” he’s had was back in his second year in junior high where he tried to kiss a girl but accidentally bit her tongue. After that, he’d been kind of afraid to do it again, but this seemed to be going well and he could tell Sousuke had much more experience than he did- which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but he was getting turned on, and he wasn’t sure if that was what Sousuke had planned on, if he’d planned it at all.

            He was brought back when Sousuke took his earlobe into his mouth and sucked and nipped at it. His hands began to grab at Sousuke’s shirt around his shoulders and chest, gripping and releasing at random. Sousuke moved back to take Nitori’s mouth with his and let out a large breath through his nose. He also pulled Nitori even closer and minutely rocked his hips forward. From the small thrust, Nitori gained an enormous amount of information. Sousuke was hard, and probably now knew that Nitori was as well. Second, Sousuke, maybe, wanted to do more than just kissing, which was also good, and Nitori didn’t have to worry about walking back to his room with a boner. And thirdly, that Nitori now wanted to grind into Sousuke- so he did. He moved his hips forward, and Sousuke spread his fingers on Nitori’s back and thrust towards him again. Nitori let out a hot breath into Sousuke’s mouth and moaned again when Sousuke groped his ass and began thrusting in a rhythm. Nitori gripped at Sousuke’s pecs and lightly scratched his nails as he grabbed his shirt again and then began to ease them down to Sousuke’s belt. He could feel Sousuke smirk against his mouth and his hand left Nitori’s now mess of hair to join his other hand in kneading and squeezing his ass. They stopped kissing, but left their lips touching as Nitori began to unbuckle Sousuke’s belt. When Nitori had finally gotten it undone, he didn’t bother ripping it out of the loops on Sousuke’s jeans, and instead just started to shuck his pants down just under his butt. He looked back up to Sousuke, silently asking for some sort of permission. Sousuke grinned and bit the side of his bottom lip, and that was all he needed. Nitori slowly kneeled down in front of Sousuke’s hips. He couldn’t see much, but his eyes had adjusted to the dark room, but he could clearly see Sousuke’s black boxer briefs tightly clinging to his erection, which were somewhat tented by it.

Although this was mostly new to Nitori, he was eager and ready. He’d pictured his first time doing this a little differently.. and really with a different person- at least he’d hoped it’d happen with Rin. The thought made Nitori pause, saddened by it, but he quickly pushed to the back of his mind. He lifted a hand to pull down Sousuke’s underwear, and shifted to bending his knees and sitting on his heels so he could use his other hand. He pulled the stretchy fabric just down over Sousuke’s cock and butt, so it wouldn’t get in his way. Nitori looked up at Sousuke again, and from what he could see, his eyes were heavy and he was breathing heavily through his nose. He looked down as Sousuke’s dick again and lightly touched his index finger to the tip then loosely fisted the length, giving only a small amount of stimulation and pressure. Even so, it made Sousuke sigh and give a thrust forward. Nitori stroked him again, with a tighter grip, earning a grunt and another thrust. Carefully, Nitori bent down and swiped the tip of his tongue over Sousuke’s slit. This time, he felt Sousuke jolt and his breathing hitch. Nitori did it again, then gave a full lick from the middle his shaft to the tip and then put his mouth over the head. Nitori sucked softly once and heard a quiet moan. Just from stroking him, Nitori knew Sousuke was big;  _really_ big. He figured out early on there was no way he could even try to deepthroat him, or even mostly fit him into his mouth- it was going to be a pathetic attempt, but he accepted it. He tried to take Sousuke deeper, knowing to stay away from the back of this throat so he wouldn’t gag or choke. But what he couldn't reach with his mouth, he stroked with his hands, and inside his mouth he fervently moved his tongue over the slit and right under the head. He dared to look up, and he saw Sousuke biting his lip again, and his hands now ran through Nitori’s hair. He gave an experimental thrust into Nitori’s mouth and they both moaned, and the vibrations made him buck his hips again. With Sousuke now subtly thrusting into Nitori’s mouth, he started to suck harder and tighten his grip. Nitori started to carefully bob his head, still mindful of his throat. Sousuke moaned again, louder this time and started to shallowly thrust into Nitori’s hand and mouth.

            “Holy shit,” Sousuke’s voice was deep and rough and Nitori wanted to hear it again. He took Sousuke’s cock deeper again and it was hitting the back of his throat and he was extremely relieved and proud of himself for not choking. As he moved his head, his tongue stayed constantly wiggling over Sousuke’s slit which he hoped felt as good as he thought. “Oh _shit_ \- fuck, I’m gunna-” Sousuke gasped and let out a long, deep groan from his chest as his hands clenched Nitori’s hair and his thrusts were scattered and uneven. As his hips stuttered, Nitori pulled back, not completely though, and let Sousuke cum inside his mouth, swallowing reflexively as it hit his tongue. The taste wasn’t bad, but it certainly wasn’t what he thought it’d be. When Sousuke’s thrusts died down and his cock began to soften, Nitori sat back up on his knees and Sousuke grabbed his face kissed him roughly. His hand gripped Nitori’s ass again and Nitori moaned and spread his legs wider, bucking into Sousuke’s hips. Sousuke’s hands left for a moment, which disappointed Nitori, but was excited when they came back inside Nitori’s shorts. They gripped and pulled more intensely than before, and it felt amazing. Nitori let out a shaky breath as one of Sousuke’s fingers drifted too close to his entrance. He let his hands wander across Sousuke’s muscled chest and arms, and found his mouth to kiss him again. After a moment, though, Sousuke let go of him completely and Nitori fell back onto his ankles again, now painfully hard. Sousuke tucked his dick back inside his underwear and twisted so he could grab something from his bunk. Nitori, not being able to see what it was, was then pulled onto Sousuke’s lap where his comforter was still sitting from before. Sousuke pulled him in for a kiss again and Nitori got more comfortable and sat down on his lap completely, straddling his hips. Even though Sousuke wasn’t hard anymore, Nitori still ground into his hips. Sousuke let out a breathy laugh and put his hands back into Nitori’s pants to grab his ass. Every once in a while, one of Sousuke’s fingers brushed against Nitori’s hole and it made him stutter. All at once, Nitori quickly started to push down his shorts, getting off of Sousuke’s lap to remove them completely, then promptly returning. They kissed more feverishly and as Nitori’s hands crept up Sousuke’s shirt to feel his strong stomach, Sousuke’s hands were busy opening what Nitori figured out to be lube. Sousuke pulled away from the kiss, only an inch or two away and his slick fingers moved in between Nitori’s legs, his other hand making him sit up onto his knees. Nitori shuddered as he felt Sousuke’s large fingers push and massage his entrance before slowly breaching his tight hole. It was slippery and unbearably good as he rocked back, trying to push Sousuke’s finger further.

            “Have you done this before? With someone else?” Sousuke laughed, but his tone was bitter. Nitori closed his eyes and shook his head, blushing. “You’ve fingered yourself?” This time, Sousuke smirked, his previous tone gone. Nitori nodded once.

            “Yes!” Nitori all but shouted as Sousuke suddenly added a second finger, steadily dragging them in and out at a swifter pace. Nitori keened when Sousuke started to curl his fingers, trying to find his prostate. When he did, Nitori moaned loudly, straightening his legs a bit so he was now looking down at Sousuke. His hand pulled away and Nitori whined from the loss, but was rewarded with slicker fingers, and an added third. Sousuke’s other hand was now grabbing at one of Nitori’s ass cheeks, pulling it away from his thrusting wrist. “Oh _God_ -” Nitori was pulling at Sousuke’s hair and raking his nails down his neck when Sousuke stopped pulling out his fingers, and kept furiously curling them into Nitori’s prostate, which made his cock leak pre-cum onto Sousuke’s shirt. He kept rocking his hips, trying to get more stimulation so he could cum faster. “Ah- oh, I’m so close..” Nitori’s breath was quickening, and his moans and cries were louder. He threw his head back to look at the bed above him and then tightly closed his eyes.

            “Ai, do you wanna cum?” Nitori let out a silent scream as a hard push was given to his prostate. His hands grabbed the face in front of him and he brought his head down to his lips.

            “ _Yes_ , senpai, oh _please_ , senpai, I need it,” He couldn’t believe this was real- his senpai, his Rin-senpai was…

            Nitori sobbed when he came, his hips stuttering and his cum shot out onto Sousuke’s chest and stomach. He kept moaning and kissing those lips with a wide smile, coming down from his high as the finger’s in his ass left. A clean hand came to caress his face as they pulled away.

            “Ai…” Nitori opened his eyes and they opened wide. This wasn’t … it wasn’t Rin. He had just… _oh no._ Without a word, Nitori fell back and quickly put his shorts back on. “Ai, what- where are you going?” Sousuke started to get up, and Nitori could see his hard-on. He snatched his comforter and computer and ran to the door.

            “I can’t do this,” was all he said as he disappeared out of the room and down the hall. Sousuke stood in the middle of his room looking confused and disheveled. He ran his unsoiled hand through his hair.

            “Goddamn it.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see u all in hell or on my tumblr kawalie.tumblr.com


	2. "Senpai"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fine. ‘Nitori’ then. Is that why…” Sousuke opened his eyes and closed the gap between them, leaning his face close to Nitori’s lips and bringing a hand up to touch his face. “I don’t care about your feelings for Rin, I still want you.”

_No, no, no, no, no_ … He can’t believe he just did that. Well, he couldn’t believe he did that with Rin’s _friend_ , while _thinking_ about Rin- no, _imagining_ doing it with Rin. Nitori briskly walked back to his room, feeling dirty and sticky, and most of all, ashamed. When he approached the elevator he waited for a few seconds, shuffling his feet anxiously, before deciding to swing open the door to the stairwell and jog down to the second floor. He reached his room, and stood in front of it, holding his fingers still over the handle until letting out a shaky breath as he grabbed it and pushed it open. He slowly trudged into his unlit room and put his laptop on top of an open textbook on his desk. He glanced up to make sure his roommate was asleep- a snore confirmed his suspicions. Nitori brought his comforter up to his face and let out a quiet sob. He stood, for a minute, in the middle of the floor, silently letting his tears dampen his blanket. He lifted his face, and, wrapping it around his body, let his comforter engulf him when he curled into his bed, face shoved against the pillow.

Shame and guilt filled his thoughts as he reflected on what the _hell_ just happened. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want to do it, he was free to choose whether or not to fool around and who with, but… he felt so _sleazy_ doing this to Sousuke. Sousuke wasn’t Rin, and probably cared at least a little for Nitori, so it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair at all for Nitori to use him like he did, and it _wouldn’t_ happen again. He was disgusted with himself, but aside from his guilt, he still held this terrible ache in his heart for Rin. He did this with Rin’s friend- all because he couldn’t get rid of these irrational and petty feelings. It was obvious that Rin didn’t see him that way- and how could he? Nitori was weak and childish compared to Rin. Rin was a leader, and he had such a forgiving and determined heart that someone like Nitori could only watch from a distance as Rin takes over his own and Nitori’s dreams. And even some nights, Nitori would lie awake staring at the bars above him, just thinking, just _dreaming_ , of Rin. What it’d be like to hold his hand, to have him look into his eyes with not friendship, but love, and what it’d feel like to have their lips or bodies pressed together. Though, everytime he did think or dream, it made his heart hurt with yearning, but also with the searing pain of emptiness. But, every day he would smile and wave, or just be cheerful for Rin, because if Nitori didn’t, who else would?

❖

It had been a week since Sousuke talked to Nitori on the stairs, after he failed to make the relay team. And although he felt uneasy after their hook up, Nitori began to purposefully avoid Sousuke after that. Every time Sousuke would come into the locker room, Nitori would leave. Whenever they had a team meeting, Nitori would blend and hide himself from Sousuke’s gaze and disappear before he had chance to spot him. In hallways, Nitori would ignore his stare, and any attempt at talking. However, this didn’t stop Sousuke- if anything his presence was more frequent, as well as suffocating.

Thankfully, no one, not even Sousuke, had found out about Nitori’s late night practices. It was always quiet and isolated, and Nitori found it was one of the few places he could clearly think while meticulously swimming laps.   
He was stressed enough with pressure of the relay, but now with Sousuke getting more fervent with trying to confront Nitori about something he really wasn’t ready for, everything was almost becoming too much. Even if Sousuke was ready to talk about it, Nitori wasn’t sure he’d ever be. That would mean accepting the consequences of sleeping with him which, by themselves were hefty; his unrequited feelings for Rin, his sexual attraction to Sousuke, and the consuming guilt of fooling around with someone while thinking of a another person.

In his practices, he had only mauled over the piercing love he felt for Rin. But now that Rin and Nanase-san were close again, there were very few chances he had to act on his feelings. And so they stayed in his mind and his heart, unsatiated and, as always, disappointing. Maybe that’s why he’d come on to Sousuke. He had merely acted on his desires, yes, that was it…

Now, tonight was no exception, however, he let out a shriek as he came up air and found Sousuke standing at the side of the pool.

“Y-Yamazaki-senpai! What… what are you-”

“Why are you here so late?” Sousuke interrupted Nitori and moved closer to edge. Nitori backed up in pool, ready for accepting the consequences for staying out so late, but not anything else. Nitori wasn’t ready for this- he wasn’t sure if could keep from crying as Sousuke stared at him.   
“I-... I was just, well I wanted to-”  
“If you keep practicing like this you won’t get any better, you’ll just wear yourself out.” Sousuke stood there and muttered something under his breath that Nitori couldn’t understand.

Surprisingly, Sousuke didn’t say a word about the sex and, instead, gave Nitori much needed advice on his swimming technique and Nitori happily accepted.

Well, if Sousuke could be cordial, Nitori could find the strength to be, too.

❖

Nitori was hesitant, but he knocked on Sousuke’s door anyway. Sousuke and Rin’s door. It’d been a few months since their initial hook up, and finally, Nitori had come to terms with it. He was finally ready to confront the situation with Sousuke.

After all the tournaments and practices were over, Nitori felt the full impact of the guilt he was hiding from himself and Sousuke. It wouldn’t be right if Sousuke had left Samezuka without an apology from Nitori, and he could at least muster up the courage to do that.

It took a few seconds, but the door swung open.

“Hey,” Sousuke wasn’t wearing a shirt and his black shoulder brace was on; he was breathing hard and sweating. “I was doing rehab stuff. What do you-”

“We need to talk.” Nitori pushed Sousuke’s chest and walked past him the room, noticing the small mat with a few weights set on top. Sousuke gave a hearty laugh.

“Seriously? You came to talk? I’ve been trying to talk to you for months, Ai.” He closed the door and wiped some of the sweat off his forehead and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Please don’t call me that. Anyway,” Nitori crossed his arms, the tension rising as he shakily sighed. “I-..., I wanted to apologize. I shouldn’t have pressured you to hook up with me. It was wrong to take advantage of you and I’m sorry.” _There, he’d said it- well, some of it._ He let out a large breath through his nose as he looked at Sousuke. He was taken aback when Sousuke laughed again.

“Are you seriou- _you_ pressured _me_? No, no, no, Ai, if anything,-”

“I told you not to call me that.” Nitori interrupted Sousuke to sternly correct him. He scoffed.

“Why? It’s your name.” Sousuke now crossed his arms as well.

“Because I said so.” Nitori’s tone changed drastically, and he immediately became defensive, throwing down his arms. Sousuke’s voice rose and he stepped closer to Nitori.

“I just don’t understand why it’s such a big deal now.”

“We don’t even know each other that well!” The volume in Nitori’s voice was rising.

“I think we know each other pretty damn well considering your cum stained my shirt, why can’t I call you ‘Ai’?”

“Because only Rin-senpai is allowed to call me that!” Nitori shouted at him, his hands in tight fists at his sides. He watched Sousuke pause, his eyes slowly widening, then scrunching.

“ _Fine_. ‘Nitori’ then. Is that why…” Sousuke opened his eyes and closed the gap between them, leaning his face close to Nitori’s lips and bringing a hand up to touch his face. “I don’t care about your feelings for Rin, I still want you.” Sousuke whispered the words, his lips lightly brushing Nitori’s.

“But I love him.” Nitori whispered, but didn’t look at Sousuke.

“I know. You weren’t exactly discreet about it.” Sousuke’s hand slide from Nitori’s face to the back of his neck.

“Has he… said anything?”

“No.”

“Right,” Nitori’s voice broke, “of course not.” He closed his eyes and leaned into Sousuke, kissing him.

“Wait, Nitori-” Sousuke broke the kiss, but Nitori dove right back in.

“It’s okay.” Another kiss. “It’s fine.” He wrapped his arms around Sousuke’s neck, and moaned. Sousuke let out a hot breath through his nose and grabbed Nitori’s hips, picking him up so his legs would hook around his waist. Although Nitori’s body was slowly heating up, his mind kept moving quickly, telling him how this is what he needed to get rid of these feelings and this is what he needed so he could start to move on; to forget Rin. At the same time, his heart felt like it would beat straight through his chest because of the incredible sense of betrayal. Even then, Nitori still fiercely kissed him and began to roll his hips into Sousuke’s tense stomach. Sousuke groaned into Nitori’s mouth and moved his hand so he could squeeze his ass, while still holding his back with his other arm. Their tongues flicked eagerly against each other. Nitori flexed his arms to adjust his position and Sousuke let out a pained shout.

“Oh shoot, are you okay?” Nitori quickly took his left arm away from Sousuke’s shoulder, but still tightly holding on.

“It’s fine.” Sousuke shoved his face forward, kissing Nitori hard. He squeaked, but thoroughly accepted the kiss, gently putting his arm back around Sousuke’s shoulder, the rough fabric of his brace chafing his forearm. Sousuke walked them to the bed, putting his right knee on the mattress, his other foot still on the floor, and leaning them down so Nitori was laying on his back. He started kissing down Nitori’s neck to his nape, and letting his breath tickle him before biting down and sucking on his skin. Nitori moaned loudly and thrust his hips into Sousuke’s. He felt Sousuke’s hands slide down his body to the inside of his thighs and spread them wider as he dipped down to press against Nitori. He whined at the contact and sat up on his elbows to kiss him again, still rutting into Sousuke. His shirt was pushed up to his collar bone and Sousuke dragged his tongue over his chest, giving wet kisses and flicking his tongue over Nitori’s nipple before sucking and biting at it.

“Oh! Oh my God-hnn,” Nitori’s pants and breaths came out quickly and his chest rose higher to get more contact. Sousuke’s fingers pinched and pulled his other nipple and moaned with his movements as Nitori still rocked his hips, his cock now making his shorts tent. He raised his hands further into Sousuke’s hair, gently tugging and letting out a long quiet moan when Sousuke began to grope and rub his cock through the fabric. Sousuke sat up and began to unzip Nitori’s pale colored shorts and made to pull them down, but before he could, Nitori sat up and spread his legs around Sousuke’s and tugged down his sweats to his thighs. His eyes grew wider when he saw Sousuke, half hard, and wondering if it’d really been this big the last time. “Wow.” Nitori whispered more to himself, but Sousuke brought a hand up to his face and lifted it so he could look at him.

“What?” Nitori blushed, but responded.

“Nothing, it’s just… you’re so _big_.”

“You think so?” The side of Sousuke’s mouth twitched up into a smile and he gave a deep chuckle when Nitori nodded. “I’m glad.” He ran his through the grey hair in front of him and gently pushed Nitori’s head towards him, keeping their eyes locked. Nitori quickly looked down to raise Sousuke’s cock to his mouth before flicking his eyes back to stare at him. His tongue darted out to give a small lick before taking the head into his mouth and sucking hard. “God, yes, Ai.” Sousuke moaned and rocked his hips, and Nitori swirled his tongue around the slit, still not looking away from his eyes. Sousuke bit his bottom lip and reluctantly pulled Nitori’s mouth away from his now straining cock with a lewd ‘pop’.  He ran his fingers up by Nitori’s face again, and kissed him fiercely. “Lay on your stomach?” It was said as a question, but Nitori took it as a command and did what he was told. He rolled over and propped himself on his elbows so he could turn his head to look at Sousuke. He still had one knee on the bed, but he leaned over to Nitori’s face and gave him a few wet, sloppy kisses as he rubbed his hands down his back, shoving his shirt up to his shoulder blades, and going down to cup and knead his ass. Nitori whimpered with the stimulation, the movement pushing his hips down into the mattress. They locked eyes again as Sousuke started to shuffle down Nitori’s shorts over his ass and to his knees. He grabbed Nitori’s hips and lifted so they were up in the air, sitting on his knees, but still supported on his elbows. He felt Sousuke’s thumbs rubbing in circles and grazing his entrance. Sousuke reached up to his bunk, much as he did last time, and grabbed his lube and, this time, a condom from his pillow case.

Nitori hummed when he felt Sousuke’s slicked finger slide into him and immediately rocked back. Sousuke put in a second and eventually a third, and began to curl his fingers to find Nitori’s prostate. When he gasped, Sousuke repeatedly flexed his fingers and Nitori squirmed and whimpered. He felt Sousuke’s left hand leave from his hip.

“Ah!.” Nitori turned around at Sousuke’s groan. He was holding his shoulder and breathing in short pants.

“Wait,  you don’t have to-”

“It’s _fine_.” Nitori could see that all the way over, peeking out from Sousuke’s brace, his skin looked flushed. Sousuke then suddenly started moving his fingers in and out of Nitori and grabbed his hip again. Nitori shouted as Sousuke furiously thrust his fingers in and out of him at a rough pace. He shuddered and dropped down so his chest was pressed into the mattress and his mouth was slack. His cock was leaking precum on the mattress, and silently thanked the hand still holding his hip. Nitori shoved his face into the blanket and breathed in deeply as he kept tensing, trying to hold his orgasm back. He grasped the blanket and held it to his mouth and nose as a wave of pleasure hit him. With the blanket muffling his moans and whines, he smelled a strong scent of chlorine and a barely noticeable hint of Rin’s cologne that Nitori memorized from the first time Rin hugged him.

“Please, please,” Nitori lifted the blanket, a small string of saliva still stuck to it. Sousuke pulled out his fingers and Nitori let out a harsh breath.

“Please, what? Do you want me to fuck you?” Sousuke slowly put his fingers back inside Nitori and then quickly pulled them out.

“ _Yes_ , yes, please. I want you to fuck me, I want it.” Nitori turned his head so he could look at Sousuke. “ _Please_.” He couldn’t help the sob that wracked his voice.

“Okay, okay.” Sousuke leaned down and rubbed Nitori’s back in circles. He let his lips skim the shell of Nitori’s ear and whispered, “I’ll give you what you want.” He took his hands away and fiddled to find the condom he’d gotten earlier, all while making his way to almost standing again, littering kisses down Nitori’s back. He rolled the condom and put more lube on his cock before pressing the tip against Nitori’s entrance. Sousuke pushed forward slowly and sighed. “Holy shit, you’re so tight…” Nitori tried to spread his legs wider to try and make it easier on both of them, but his shorts were taught around his thighs. Nitori could feel pain blooming as Sousuke pushed in further, stretching him and not stopping. Once Sousuke was completely inside, he stayed put, as difficult as it was, until Nitori gave the okay. After only a few moments, the tightness and tension Nitori felt was subsiding and he gently rocked back against Sousuke’s hips. Sousuke pushed back into Nitori, his thrusts gradually getting faster and stronger, and both their moans were getting louder as well. Nitori gasped and whined when a hard thrust nudged his prostate. He felt Sousuke move his hand from his hips and cup his ass and pull apart his cheeks and his thrusts slowed. His thumb poked Nitori’s entrance again and Nitori let out a long hum through his lips. The languid pace didn’t last however, and Sousuke snapped his hips forward and, in shock, Nitori straightened his arms so he was now on his hands and knees. He gasped loudly at the fierce movement and let himself be pulled back at a steady rhythm on Sousuke’s cock. Sousuke was groaning loudly, and the rest of the room was filled with Nitori’s whimpers, as well as the light creaking of the metal bunk bed.

“Ya- … Yamazaki-senpai, ah!” Nitori moaned, probably a bit too loudly, but it seemed like whisper in comparison to next shout that came from his throat. Sousuke had rammed into Nitori hard and then stopped, fully inside him and groaned.

“ _Yes_. Say it again. Call me ‘senpai’ again.” Sousuke thrust forward again, frantically pleading to Nitori. He was confused but complied.

“Ah,... oh, senpai, _senpai_!” Somehow, saying this felt satisfying for Nitori. Maybe, just this once, he could pretend. Maybe after this, his love would be satiated enough so, if anything, he would be numb to Rin. Maybe this was his final act of desperation for Rin to notice his feelings; even if in vain. He shook his head quickly. He told himself earlier that he wouldn’t let Rin come to his thoughts anymore- no more stupid thoughts about desires or unrequited love. It’s over. Ever since Nanase-san came back into Rin’s life, Nitori knew his advances were hopeless. But, of course, how could he compare? In Rin’s eyes, the only thing that mattered was Nanase-san and his good friends. Although Rin was kinder now, Nitori knew he was easily forgotten in the wake of his old- his _better_ friends. _And his lover_ …

“God, you feel so good, Ai.” Sousuke’s thrusts were getting more erratic, and he reached around to take Nitori’s cock in his fist to jerk him off. Another loud gasp, and Nitori grabbed one of the metal bars above him and he pitched his hips into Sousuke’s hand, muttering and crying small ‘senpai’s when he could feel his stomach starting to tingle.

“Senpai! Oh my… Yes! Don’t stop, senpai, _senpai_!” His grip on the bed frame tightened and Sousuke’s hand on his hip felt strong while all his nerves were tightening. His entire body throbbed and this sting of pleasure crept up from his groin to his ribs and he let out a loud string of cries as he shook with his orgasm. Sousuke’s hand was now slick with Nitori’s cum, and Nitori opened his eyes to see some of his semen in broken streaks on the crumpled bed sheets. The touch of Sousuke’s hand moving from his cock up to hold his chest and bring him up so his back was flat and prostrate against Sousuke’s front, left a tickling trail that made him shiver. Nitori’s head gently fell to Sousuke’s shoulder as he let his sensitized body be used for Sousuke’s pleasure. Sousuke kissed at Nitori’s neck and let out hot breaths as the hand on his chest dropped down to hold the crease where his inner thigh met his pelvis and Sousuke softly flexed.

“Senpai…” Nitori’s eyelids were slack as he stared apathetically at the pattern on the ceiling. Sousuke’s breaths were ragged and his thrusts were broken and inconsistent when he groaned in Nitori’s ear.

“ _Fuck_ , I’m gonna cum.” Sousuke’s other arm wrapped around him tight and held on as he convulsed slightly and exhaled a long moan. His hips slowed and Sousuke kept giving small nips on Nitori’s neck. Sousuke pulled out smoothly and slide his hands to cup Nitori’s hips before tugging up his shorts and buttoning them for him. He also helped by fixing Nitori’s shirt before tying up the condom, throwing it away, finally pulling up his sweat pants.

Nitori stayed on his knees, not moving, letting Sousuke put him back together. He felt Sousuke wrap his arms around him again and just hold him. Sousuke’s hot breath skimmed the skin on his neck and Nitori let his hands lightly rest over Sousuke’s forearms before tenderly removing them from his body. He wondered why he thought this would be a good idea. Honestly, this had made it worse. Every second of Sousuke fucking him was filled with imagined scenes. To Nitori, it was Rin’s name he was moaning- it was Rin’s body that was holding him. _It was Rin’s bed that they fucked in_.

Nitori’s hand brushed Sousuke’s cheek as he moved to get off of the bed. He didn’t hear what Sousuke was saying to him, and he didn’t listen to what his mind was telling him. He calmly opened the door, and shut it behind him. 


	3. Yamazaki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ive returned from the dead lol  
> also i objectify nitori in this and im so sorry

Rin smiled as he jogged back to his room, eager to tell Sousuke about another weekend with Haru and Makoto. His hand reached for the door handle when he froze, hearing a moan from the other side of his door. _What the fuck?_ Rin stood still for a few more seconds and jerked back as he heard another moan, louder this time. He took his hand off of the door and stepped back further into the middle of the hall, running his fingers through his hair and stared at the wood in front of him as yet a another moan slipped out from the cracks. This time, it was a word. A name, more specifically- a name that he was called often.

“Oh, senpai, _senpai… mm!_ ”

That was, … That was Ai.

He knew it was, he just knew…

Were him and Sousuke…?

Rin brought a hand up and covered his mouth as he heard the metal from his bed creak and hit the wall inside his room. He wasn’t sure how long he ended up standing there listening, trying to just _figure it out_ , trying to just _understand_ how Ai was in his room, having _sex_ with someone who wasn’t _him_ , and instead his _best friend_. And then the noises stopped.

“Fuck, oh fuck.” Rin turned around and started urgently, but quietly, knocking on the door across from him. “It’s Rin, let me in.” No response. “Oh come on, you fucker, let me in now, Toru, or I swear to Go-” Rin almost fell on top of his teammate as he opened the door suddenly, but he shoved Iwashimizu aside and closed the door behind him. Rin closed his eyes as he lay against the door and exhaled deeply.

“Captain, what the hell is goin-” Iwashimizu was cut off by Rin turning his back to him so he could press his ear against the door.

“Shhhh, shut the fuck up Toru.” His teammate scoffed and sat on his bed, confused and in no mood to ask.

Rin’s eyes widened as he heard the door across him open and close very lightly. He gently opened Toru’s door after a few seconds and looked out. Nitori was walking, very awkwardly and rubbing his face with his hand. As he got further down the hallway, his stride became quicker until he was jogging to the door to the stairwell and disappeared. Rin, still tracing the path Nitori had taken, stepped outside of Iwashimizu’s doorway and into the hall. Not looking at him, Rin murmured, “See you at practice.” and closed the door.

He was scared to open his door, honestly. He didn’t know how to face Sousuke, especially after he had done in a few months what Rin had dreamed about for a year. What if they were dating? _That would make everything worse._ Not only would Sousuke be experiencing Ai sexually, but also emotionally and he didn’t think he could deal with that _jealously_. What if what Rin felt for Ai, Sousuke felt too? And had the gall to actually do something about it?

Rin opened the door casually to Sousuke frantically ripping the sheets off of his own bed, and Rin’s already balled in his arms.

“Whoa, mine too?” Rin asked skeptically as he watched Sousuke unsheath his pillow and wad up the pillowcase with the other sheets.

“Just thought I’d get yours with mine. Later.” Sousuke rushed out of the room and closed the door, Rin left standing alone. He sauntered over to his desk, closed a book he had left there yesterday afternoon, and sat down with his head resting in his arms on the desk. Rin had washed his sheets that previous Friday. It was Sunday. Sousuke never did laundry; always left it to Rin who was too high maintenance to let his clothes sit in a hamper for more than two weeks.

Rin briskly stood up, wiped his eyes with his sleeve, grabbed his wallet and left his room without looking at his sheetless bed.

❖

The train ride to Iwatobi seemed much longer than usual as Rin sat down this time, his leg shaking constantly. The sun hadn’t set yet, but switched sides of the train so the sun wasn’t in his eyes for the two hours he was there.

Running up the steps to Haru’s house, Rin was out of breath by the time he banged on his friends door frame. After a few moments, Haru opened the door, staring at Rin and wearing his apron. Rin could see Makoto peek around the door from further in the hall, but Haru closed the door so only half of his body was showing.

“What do you want?” Haru sounded annoyed. _Great_.

“Jeez, do ya have to act so cold? I was just here earlier.” Rin stepped back and scratched the back of his head while Haru continued to give him a dirty look.

“Yeah, exactly. You were here a few hours ago. Why are you back? We all have school tomorrow.” Again he saw Makoto peek from the hallway, but this time Haru looked back at him and mumbled Rin’s name.

“I know, I know, I just…” Rin sighed and wiped his face and stuck his hands in his pockets while his gaze shifted to the wood floor of Haru’s house. After a few seconds of silence, Haru grabbed Rin’s wrist and pulled him inside.

“Just get in here.”

Makoto, who was half way out of a door sitting on the floor, squeaked and closed the sliding door quickly- probably to put his shirt back on.

“Did I, uh… interrupt something?” Rin asked and Haru shut the door behind him and Rin took off his shoes. Haru eyed the door that Makoto was behind.

“It was date night.” At that, Makoto slid his door open again, rather quickly, and looked at Haru with a horrified expression.

“Haru!”

“What? He walked in when it was getting good.” Makoto hid his face in hands and groaned.

“Rin, you know we love seeing you, but why are you here so late? And on a school night?” Makoto opened his fingers as he talked, but the redness in his face still remained. Rin was normally a very dedicated student, and his favorite classes were on Monday.

“Your eyes are red. What’s wrong?” Haru sat next to Makoto and flicked his eyes over to the other side of the table they were sitting next to. Reluctantly, Rin dragged his feet over to the table and sat down. Just as he did his room earlier, he laid his head on his folded arms. Makoto looked worriedly from Rin to Haru, and slowly reached over and put a hand on Rin’s forearm.

Rin cringed and jumped up and walked out of the room. He walked to Haru’s kitchen and crouched down and opened the cabinet under the sink and grabbed a bottle of unopened whiskey. He stood up, unscrewed the cap, and took a large swig, and then hissed as it went down his throat. He walked back into the room with Haru and Makoto and took his seat again, taking another drink.

“Where did you find that?” Haru looked behind himself to try and figure out where Rin had pulled the whiskey from. Rin gave another sharp exhale after drinking more and set the bottle down on the table, a small but significant amount already gone.

“I stashed it here a few weeks ago, when Nagisa and I bought all that booze.” Rin picked up the bottle again. Haru grunted a small “ _Whatever_.” while he watched Rin drink.

“What’s wrong? You wouldn’t be here if something weren’t wrong.” Rin set down the whiskey and stared at it before speaking.

“I heard him in my room.” He didn’t look at Haru or Makoto.

“Who?” Makoto leaned in closer, but Haru gently pushed him back when Rin scowled.

“What do you mean?” Haru scoot a little closer to Makoto while he was left out of the vague conversation.

“I heard them- I fucking… _They_ were fucking.” Rin closed his eye and shook his head, facing the floor. He refused to look at Haru.

“How do you know?” He asked tentatively, worried Rin would start crying again. He didn’t but Rin stood up quickly, gulping more of the alcohol.

“You think I don’t fucking _know_ his voice?” He was close to dropping the bottle loosely held in his fingers. “You think I wouldn’t- shit, recognize him moaning _‘oh senpai!_ ’” Rin slipped into a poor impression of Nitori only hours earlier. He laughed quietly at himself. _I’m such an asshole_. He leaned back against the wall, then opened the door to Haru’s small yard and sat back down, looking out from the porch.

“Oh goodness,...” Makoto had finally caught on, now looking at Haru with concern. Haru lightly squeezed Makoto’s hand before getting up and standing next to where Rin was sitting, Makoto following behind him.

“I just don’t know what to do. Like,... everything makes sense now. He’s been so distant, his times are worse, and-” Rin drank again and hung his head. Haru put a hand on Rin’s shoulder and bent down. “I don’t even know how to act around them now- how do I even talk to Ai now that I know about… now that I know-” Rin took another small sip and quickly rubbed his eyes. He stood up then, Haru backing up and taking his hand off of him. “I gotta pee.” He brushed past Haru and Makoto, the bottle still in his hands as he left the room.

“So, it’s Nitori-san and who?” Makoto bent down a little, once Rin closed the door behind him, and looked at Haru who walked by to sit back at the table.

“Yamazaki.” Makoto gasped, then looked at the door that Rin just walked through, and back at Haru before sitting down to join him.

“Really?” Makoto whispered. “But I thought Yamazaki-san _just_ transferred?” Haru took the lid of the whiskey bottle and slowly rotated it on the table.

“Yeah, he did. But I’m still surprised Rin hasn’t said anything to Nitori-san about his feelings.” Haru took the lid into this lap and fiddled with it while they waited.

“Ha, I’m not. It took him this long to tell you about what he felt while in Australia. He’s getting better at it though…. Just the fact he’s here means he’s growing more in touch with his feelings.” Makoto sighed and leaned back on his hands while he looked sweetly at Haru, relaxing a bit.

“No, it’s not. He’s still drinking. A lot.” Haru grimaced and put the bottle lid back onto the table and stared at it. “If he can’t learn to talk about his feelings sober, then he can’t do it at all. He still has no idea what he’s doing.” He looked around the room, then briefly at Makoto before crossing his arms and waiting.

Makoto hummed lightly and let his head fall to look at the ceiling. “You know, Rin’s been gone a while. He’s normally pretty fast-” Haru shot up before Makoto could finish, or follow him, and threw open the door to run to the bathroom downstairs. Rin wasn’t in it. He ran past Makoto, who was standing by the stairs, and ran up to his bathroom by his bedroom. Still no Rin.

“R-Rin..?” Makoto called weakly, looking around downstairs cautiously. Haru ran down his steps again and opened his front door.

“Rin!....Rin!” Haru jogged down his front porch stairs and out to the street. “Shit.” He said, under his breath. He turned back and looked at Makoto who was standing at his doorway with his arms crossed, lightly shivering from the night’s chill. Haru glanced behind him once more, just in case he saw Rin, and went back to get Makoto inside to try to call Rin on their phones.

❖

Rin looked at his phone again as he was getting off the train and almost back to Samezuka. 14 missed calls. All either from Makoto or Haru. Whatever. He haphazardly shoved his phone into a pocket and walked back to his campus.

He didn’t pull his whiskey, now only half full, back out until he was on his dorm floor. His fingers skimmed the walls as he walked down the hall to his room. He kept taking smaller and smaller sips, the closer he got to his door, lethargically dragging his feet. Rin stopped at his door, staring at the handle for the second time that day. _Fuck it_. He reached for the knob, opened it quickly and loudly shut it behind himself causing Sousuke to jolt awake in the top bunk.

“Holy crap- Rin? What the hell, I was sleeping.” The lights were off and he could hardly see Rin standing in front of the door.

“OH-Oh, sorry I didn’t mean to wake you up- I didn’t realise I was being so fucking l-loud and you could _hear_ me.” Rin drank from his bottle again and leaned against the door looking at Sousuke’s bunk.

“What? Dude- are you drunk right now?” Sousuke sat up further in his bed.

“Like you fuckin’ care.” Rin walked over to his desk and set the bottle down, rather hard, as Sousuke got out of his bed and down to where Rin was standing.

“Why are you drunk? We have class in the morning, idiot.” Sousuke put his hands on Rin’s back trying to nudge him into bed but Rin turned around and threw Sousuke’s hands off of him.

“Don’t FUCKING touch me.” Sousuke backed up and quietly shushed Rin who just scoffed and pushed past him to tear off his jacket.

“What the hell is your deal, man?” Sousuke hadn’t really seen him in a mood like this drunk. Rin was normally pretty upbeat, maybe over-emotional, but he never really had a reason to be angry anymore and it never really translated to his drinking.

“What the- What the hell is _my_ deal?” Rin scoffed again. “You gotta have some balls saying that after today.” He didn’t look at Sousuke as he pulled off his shirt and went to cross the room to throw it in his laundry basket, but Sousuke grabbed his arm making him drop his shirt on the floor.

“Rin, what do you mean? What the hell are you talking about?” Sousuke raised his voice so that he wasn’t whispering anymore, fully awake now. Rin struggled in Sousuke’s grasp, but he didn’t let go.

“Oh come on, Sou, don’t act like you didn’t fucking wan-want me to hear you two- _shit_ , let me go!” Sousuke let go of Rin’s arm in shock. Rin rubbed his arm where Sousuke had grabbed him, looking from his arm to his friend multiple times.

“You... what?” Sousuke blinked slowly, his voice returning to a whisper.

“Yeah I heard,” Rin swallowed hard, “heard you and Ai… _going at it_.” He looked at floor and spoke through clenched teeth, still holding his arm. Sousuke turned around and wiped his hand over his face.

“What all did you hear?” He asked cautiously.

“What did I- what did I hear? You want me to fucking tell you what I heard?” Rin grabbed Sousuke by his shoulder, Sousuke wincing but Rin oblivious to it. “I’ll tell you what I fucking heard. I heard you fucking Ai on my fucking bed!” Rin started yelling, taking both of Sousuke’s shoulders in his hands, jerking him at random. “I heard him fucking moaning and calling _you_ senpai! He called you _senpai_ , Sousuke! How could you do this to me?! How could you do that to the one person I’ve ever had feelings for?! How could you fucking- I _love_ him, Sousuke! How _could_ you- how.. how…” Rin got closer to Sousuke’s face and didn’t care that tears were streaming down his face. He didn’t care that his neighbors would be pissed that he’s yelling in the middle of the night. He didn’t care that he hated his best friend right now.

Rin couldn’t stop crying as Sousuke hugged him and kept asking why. He didn’t stop crying when Sousuke kept telling him how sorry he was. He didn’t stop crying when Sousuke pushed him gently into bed and covered Rin with his comforter. He was still crying when Sousuke climbed the ladder to his bunk and pulled at his hair and cried silently with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a soft spot for sousuke and i really hate rin but writing this is making do like a fucking character study and understand why i made him drink in this fic or why he has feelings for nitori.  
> pls tell me if u liked it or hated it i rly wanna know im so sorry it took me so long to update but im back  
> talk to me on tumblr and give me prompts and ill write them <3 kawalie.tumblr.com  
> EDIT: AHHH it accidentally got deleted but super thanks to waka-the-gods-gift-to-man.tumblr.com and linkito.tumblr.com for beta'ing :3

**Author's Note:**

> see u all in hell or on my tumblr kawalie.tumblr.com


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